I don't feel old. That's the simple truth. I'm almost 52, but I'm running races and doing it faster than ever...I have a 7-year-old boy, and therefore find myself hanging out with 30 and 40-year-old women (other moms of 7-year-olds), and don't feel like I'm looking conspicuously haggard compared to them...sometimes I catch my reflection in a window and think, "Boy that person needs more sleep," but I feel like I'm holding my own, as a woman moving well beyond 50 years of age.
However--I do feel like time is passing by very quickly now. When I think about what I still hope to accomplish in life--yes, there's not that much time left.
On the other hand...we've fallen into a good rhythm as a family, these days...which feels good. For the 2nd year in a row, we all participated in a 5K where I ran the distance and my son and husband did the trail walk. Jesse happily announced at the end, "Mommy, you'll be proud of me because I walked the whole distance without stopping." And I was--because my son's favorite thing to do when we're out hiking is to stop after 20 minutes or so and have a snack.
And I managed to run much faster than I've ever run 5 kilometers before. It's about six hours after the race, and it still feels damn good...I'll probably have this feeling of post-race euphoria for the next day or so.
Of course, there were ten and eleven-year-old children out there, running the whole 5 kilometers faster than I did. And, there was one 60-year-old woman running it in less than 20 minutes.
There will always be faster people--that's one thing road racing teaches you. And it's true in every field of endeavor--there will always be faster, smarter, better people.
The trick is to enjoy the hell out of the fact that you, yourself, are right now better than you've ever been. And as I start to slow down (as I inevitably will, as I get older), I'll have to enjoy the fact that I'm doing better at 57, 58 or 62 years of age, than I ever dreamed I could.
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