To IVF or Not to IVF...Is That the Question?

A front-page article in today's Chronicle looked at a couple who chose to throw a fundraising party to help pay for their in vitro fertilization procedures. They're also asking people to donate online if they can't make it to the party. The mother is 38; in the article she talks about her ticking biological clock. The couple has known each other since 2006.

I'm wondering a lot of things after reading this. At the Chronicle's web site (sfgate.com), people are sneering at the couple for trying to raise money online, both from friends and from strangers, for a procedure which is elective and does not involve a life-threatening illness. I agree that it seems a bit awkward, even slightly offensive; but on the other hand, if a good friend of mine threw a party like this, I would not condemn her, and I would probably donate something (without attending the party). I don't like the fact that strangers can also donate--who wants a stranger to fund one's efforts to give birth?

But my main problem with what this couple is doing is that it seems premature to try IVF, if the mother is only 38. Why aren't they trying to conceive in the usual way, for at least a few more years? They've only known each other for a few years, which probably means that they've only been trying to have a child for two years. That's not much time, compared to a lot of couples. Having said that--it's possible that the couple has more fertility problems than were revealed in the article.

Re: the oddness of asking for money on the Web: it's bound to become more and more common. It indicates a further blurring of boundaries between public and private in our Internet-crazed society, and perhaps, a coursening of social relations as well. But is it also a way to strengthen communities and bring good friends closer together? Perhaps; if handled very, very carefully. But I don't see the Internet replacing a good phone call, a good face-to-face chat over coffee, a walk in the park, all those things where you can at least hear the tone of someone's voice. And in fact--I vote for less Internet communication in general...but my ballot's already blowing in the wind.