"I Couldn't" Part Two

I was sitting in a cafe this afternoon--my son was enjoying quality face time with his dad--when a woman and her toddler son, a bit smaller than my boy, a little cherub with a beatific smile and a bright-eyed air about him, came up and joined the older woman sitting next to me. The woman cooed over the boy, while his mother offered him "bread" (a croissant) and milk. I noticed that he was saying words like "breh" (bread") and "bus," and tried to guess his age. I couldn't; so as I got up to leave, unable to restrain my curiosity, I asked her, "How old?"

"21 months."

"He's adorable...and he's speaking a lot! When did he start talking?"

"Oh, a long time ago."

"And obviously, he's fully bilingual (the mother was from Japan and had been speaking to her son in Japanese, while carrying on a conversation with the other woman in English). My son doesn't say a word yet," I confided.

"Is he in daycare?"

"No, but he goes to a lot of playgroups."

"That's good. My son has been in full-time daycare for a long time now, and that stimulates him."

We talked on for another minute or so, then I excused myself, not wanting to intrude further on their conversation.

Afterwards, I realized to my surprise that I felt almost guilty, suddenly, for not putting my child in daycare. It was obviously working for this little boy, I told myself...

Then I realized: I was assuming my son was behind other kids because he doesn't really talk yet.

Never mind that he already points to the correct letter of the alphabet, 80 or 90 percent of the time, when I ask him "Where's G, show me G" or "Show me X"...and I didn't even think to mention that to this mother and her friend.

My son is "slow"--perhaps in many people's eyes--because he can't speak yet. And my feeling of being inadequate somehow as a "stimulator" will probably continue over the next month, or two, or three--however long it takes him to start popping out unmistakable words. (Well, it will probably continue until he's actually enrolled in a quality daycare or preschool. As much as I also feel, in my heart, that I'm doing the right thing for him.)

And I'm sure there will be other ways, over the next year or so, that I'm oh-so-subtly made to feel inadequate as a stay-at-home home.