Decency

How do you teach basic decency to a child? I don't mean saying "Please" and "Thank you"; I mean, how do you teach a child to consider not just his own needs, but those of the people around him?

For now, of course, it's a matter of gentle guidance and repetition. "Gentle, gentle," I say, when he pulls on my hair or my nose. But when he gets older, how will I teach him all the myriad ways in which he will prove himself to be either a lout and a burden on others, or a decent and respectful human being?

Cormac McCarthy's character was right, in The Road: we constantly have to choose. Of course, Camus said as much in The Plague and other books. The difficulty comes in deciding how much we will choose to do for others.

McCarthy's message was stark: in the worst of circumstances, many humans will turn into vicious, amoral monsters. But what happens in our more prosaic, quotidian now? I see something disturbing in the recent turn towards fantasy and disasters in literature (including a novel like McCarthy's), if it diverts our attention even more than it already is diverted from the acts of indecency which pervade our real-life social interactions these days. Where are our Dickenses, our Balzacs, our Tolstoys? Not that everyone has to write about the great moral issues of the day--but how many authors even make the attempt these days? How many even pose the question: What constitutes "decent behavior" in our times?

But back to my son. How do I teach him that the small acts of decency--sharing his toys, responding promptly when someone asks him a question, offering to help someone who is obviously struggling with some burden or other and could be greatly aided by a few moments of his time--all these are acts that will make him nothing more and nothing less than a full-fledged member of society?

Then, how do I teach him to go at least a few steps beyond that?

Tunnels and Visions

At a playgroup today, I presented my son with a play tunnel to pass through, putting it down on the floor in front of him; he's never been exposed to those before, and he sat at one end of it while, like an idiot, I smiled and waved at him from the other end. He smiled back, but remained firmly seated, while three other babies smaller than him eagerly tromped right past him and through the tunnel. This did not inspire confidence on his part. However, he kept smiling at me and I could tell he was contemplating the idea of venturing forth into this unexplored territory.

What was remarkable for me was to see the look of joy on his face, the joy of the unknown. Again, without even trying, he completely captured the spirit of what I've hoped to achieve here.

A New Track

I've gotten way off the track where this blog is concerned...but the track has changed. It's become very difficult to find the time to go on random strolls through hidden parts of San Francisco; more often, I'm involved with very purposeful shopping trips to keep up with the changing and expanding needs of this baby, or I'm taking him to a playgroup or to the playground.

As was the case today; we sampled a new playgroup, on Union Street. Which did take me off the beaten path, but there was only time for a fifteen-minute walk up the street and back--no wandering involved, just a bit of loitering. However, one part of the trip served as a useful reminder not to take this whole blogging business--or motherhood in general--too seriously.

The Union Street business district could hardly be described as a "hidden" or "lost" corner of the City, except if narcissism is a lost state; my first sight when I got out of the car was a place offering "airbrush tanning." All the shops seemed to offer some sort of bodily improvement or some way to add more accessories to one's home. Be that as it may...we found a cafe and sat down for five minutes. It was a small place, where people were mostly sitting alone at their computers; a couple women were chatting away next to us.

I fed my son bits of banana bread, thinking this would be a way to keep him from making too much noise for at least the length of time it would take to drink one-fourth of my coffee. He was enjoying the whole experience (especially the unexpected treat) and, towards the end of that five minutes, uttered one long, enthusiastic shout of approval, something along the lines of OOOAAAAYYEAH!

I'm only realizing how appropriate that comment was--how much in the spirit of this blog--some five or six hours later.

There Are Days When

...all you can do is tell yourself, "He's still in one piece and so am I." Then go to bed. In other words, today was a less-than-average day...just have to believe that tomorrow will be better.

Swimming

Went swimming today for the first time in weeks. Felt lousy for the first ten lengths. Then slowly but surely, as my tired, strained muscles kicked into gear and the endorphins started flowing--felt my thoughts settle down and my spirits lift, as almost always happens with a swim.

One of the best memories of my pregnancy was swimming in that same pool, right up to a few days before his due date, when I was bursting at the seams--but swimming felt as wonderful as always. I wonder if my son retains memories of that, somewhere in his psyche.

Great Books for Babies, Part Two

The only books I didn't include on the list, that is, the only other books my son has loved and I have loved reading to him: a series of animated books about different animals, by Maurice Pledger (we have them in French, but they were originally written in English), and Blue Hat, Green Hat by Sandra Boynton.

Not a lot of books on my list, I realize. I don't know why there aren't more Dr. Seusses and Byron Bartons out there. Yes, I have Goodnight Moon, and my son enjoys it; but I'm only including on this list books that he's wild about and that I still enjoy reading to him after having read them over a hundred times. I find Goodnight Moon surprisingly dull, and not even very good poetry.

My trips to the Internet or to local bookstores have not really paid off in terms of finding other interesting books for someone my son's age. However, during the last few weeks, he's become more interested in turning pages than in actually sitting and having books read to him. He seems to like to turn pages of really big books even more than the little board books we have all around the house. So it shouldn't be too hard to supply him with lots of books for this current phase of his career as a lecteur.

Great Books for Babies

I wrote briefly, a long time ago, about children's books and how surprised I was that so many of them were so dull. Or something to that effect. Well, I wanted to mention some that have survived multiple (maybe hundreds) of readings and have retained their lustre, somehow.

Many of the books I'm reading to my son are in French; we just happen to have a lot of French-language children's books. And yes, there are many extremely dull ones in French as well. But Antoon Krings' series of books centered on different members of the insect family are outstanding. Our personal favorites: Mireille l'Abeille [Mireille the Bee] and Simeon le Papillon [Simeon the Butterfly]. But I'll focus here on books in English. All the books I'm listing are books that work well with babies, if my kid is any indication, though some are better for younger babies (under nine months) and those I'll indicate with an asterisk:

Color Surprises* (out of print)--my son adored this book for months and months
Doctor Seuss's ABC board book*
Doctor Seuss's Hop on Pop board book*
The Wide-Mouthed Frog
My Car by Byron Barton (my son loves this author's illustrations--big, bold colors and shapes)
Dinosaurs, Dinosaurs by Byron Barton
Machines at Work by Byron Barton
The Three Bears by Byron Barton
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?

I'm sure there are others, but I can't think of them offhand; I'll continue this tomorrow.