To continue with the sentiment expressed at the end of yesterday's post: I know that it's not possible to be perfectly calm with one's child, and why should we strive for that kind of false perfection anyway? But I do believe that it's possible to avoid shouting, unless they're really on the verge of hurting themselves. I've just noticed that during those times when I manage to stay calm, cool and collected, even when things are growing chaotic around me, my son usually has far fewer outbursts of fussiness. I'm not saying that his every mood revolves around mine, but the connection does exist.
The book I mentioned yesterday, The Emotional Life of the Toddler, discusses the importance of providing--no, really, of being a secure base of love and support, from which your toddler can venture out into the world, and to which he can reliably return if some mishap occurs. I thought about that today, right when my kid did an interesting spiral on one foot as he was reaching for a book, then fell flat on his back--not seeming to fall very hard, but it was a big surprise to him, obviously, to be looking up at the ceiling all of sudden. He cried out, and I went to him--but not in any kind of panic; I picked him up saying "Oh, you're okay!" in a jovial tone of voice, and kissed and held him close, but continued to speak cheerfully; then I sat him in my lap and we started looking at his favorite open-the-flaps book. I could feel his whole body relax against me. He was reassuring me as much as I was reassuring him, to tell the truth.
In fact, I'm sure that he's providing me with his own kind of secure base...maybe I won't feel that way when he's sixteen, but for now, there's no doubt about it.
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