I've purchased a number of books on toddlers and toddler care, because I feel so enormously ignorant about this particular phase of my son's life. Perhaps the adolescent years and the toddler years are the biggest mysteries for parents. At least, that's what a lot of parents have reported. I'm already seeing big changes in my son that I never would have expected to arrive so early.
The book that seems the most promising so far is The Emotional Life of the Toddler by Alicia F. Lieberman. I've only read the introduction, but the author gets to the heart of the matter right away, explaining certain characteristics of this age that fit my son's behavior perfectly. It helps to remember that certain wild mood swings have their basis in a pair of enormous needs on his part, to explore and, in equal measure, to be close to Mommy and protected by her presence. As the former need expands, so does the latter--at least, that's how it is for now.
It's also interesting to read that older toddlers need to be reassured, when we scold them, that we don't think they're bad people because they've done something wrong. Apparently, it makes a big difference to say things firmly, but gently and with love in our voices. I even see the effects of my more somber moods on my very young toddler, and I'm trying to control my reactions to his little adventures. For instance, when he heads for the "off" button on the oven, as he often does, I try not to react too strongly.
This evening though--I shouted "no" and pushed his hand away from the button while I was in the middle of cooking something. Not surprisingly, by the fourth time this happened he was upset...he did stop reaching for the button; but thinking about it, and after reading the introduction to this book, I know I should have handled it differently.
I don't want to shout at my son. Period. I don't want to get on that roller coaster.
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