I have to admit that I don't really understand babies. But do I understand anyone? Not really. Kafka said, "What do I have in common with the Jews? What do I have in common with myself, for that matter? I should just stand in a corner, content that I can breathe." (I'm paraphrasing.) I feel that way with the baby sometimes--except I can't stand in the corner; I have to step forward and "take charge" of things. I have to look like Responsible Mom, even when I feel like Closet Freak.
Sometimes--several times a day, actually--I feel my child's trusting gaze on me, and wonder, "How the hell am I pulling this off?"
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