Calm and Chocolate

Parents face a ton of pressure these days to raise kids "perfectly"--with no stress, no crying-it-out, no disposable diapers (or even, no diapers, in certain circles); with all-organic foods that we've prepared from scratch--preferably vegetarian; with playgroups, music classes and swimming lessons by the time they're eight months old; we must breastfeed them religiously, we must teach them baby sign language, we must read to them, we must dance with them and sing to them, we must not, good heavens no, expose them to any television whatsoever; we must have them signed up for preschool and daycare by the time they're kicking in the womb; we must have wills, life insurance and 529s in place by the time they're out of the womb; we must never raise our voices in their presence...we must raise them in an atmosphere of perfect calm.

Actually, all of that makes pretty good sense and if we could do it all, I'm sure the world would be a happier place. The point is that we can't be perfect parents, and maybe the stress of feeling like we're "not making the grade" translates into slightly more stressed-out babies as well.

I was astonished when, the other day, a friend of mine said she felt guilty about feeding her child a whole grain cheese snack for toddlers which was shaped like Cheetos. I feed my son the same thing, and I just feel grateful, on those days when he's suddenly very hungry and it's not even noon, that he can entertain himself at his high chair with these little puffs for a couple minutes while I get the rest of his lunch ready.

Similarly: at a new parents' discussion circle, about two-thirds of the parents said they are adamantly against exposing their children to any television whatsoever. I'm glad that at certain moments, when both baby and I are needing a little break from the same old books, toys and music, we can turn on the TV and take a quick peek at the weather report, or stare at some talking heads for ten minutes. I'm not saying that I'm proud of myself for having exposed my son to television, or whole grain cheese puffs; but I'm not distressed about it either.

Let's face it, raising a child is a high-stress activity. I do try to remain calm, cool and collected ninety-eight percent of the time. The other two percent--when he's really on a tear--I head for the chocolate, and offer him some fake Cheetos or some other similar delicacy. It might not be in any parenting guide, but it does work, most of the time.