Perhaps moving a step beyond decency (see the post for 1/14/10) involves what one might call grace. Grace, in my view, is the ability to do the right thing at the right time, without a lot of fuss or calling attention to oneself; it's not the most common of human traits, I'd say.
One example, which I might have mentioned previously, but it bears repeating: several months ago, an old friend came to visit with her two children. As I was preparing a simple lunch for everyone, her daughter said quietly, "Can I help in any way?" This would be a remarkable offer from any child below the age of fifteen, but my friend's daughter was only nine years old. And there was no prompting from the mother to say this.
This is the sort of graciousness that requires steady training, not just in the superficialities of being nice to people, but in the deeper aspects of being a good person in the world. Observing this little girl, who was far from being a goody two-shoes and had a lively sense of humor, I started to think about grace and what a difference it makes when one is in the presence of people who possess it. Perhaps this all sounds terribly old-fashioned; but so be it. I want my son to be old-fashioned in that way.
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