One of the disheartening and scary aspects of being an older parent is the thought of being a senior citizen already when your child is just entering adulthood. Imagining yourself in your early and mid-60s, watching your child graduate from high school and college. Wondering if you'll ever meet your grandchildren.
My own parents both died before the birth of my son. My father died in 2006; my mother, just last October. Experiencing their deaths (both died of cancer) probably taught me, to some degree, not to dwell on projections into the future and thoughts of "what if." When your "right now" is relatively healthy and happy, you are the luckiest person in the world. No point in thinking too much about twenty or even five years ahead.
My mother was an especially now-directed person (and it's not a stretch to say, her Buddhist background helped her become more and more that way as she entered her senior years). Nobody enjoyed eating a good meal and drinking sake more than that woman; no one laughed more heartily at a good joke; no one spoke more directly to me about life and, yes, my own shortcomings. I certainly didn't always appreciate her directness, but grew to understand its value as I matured.
It breaks my heart that my son will never meet her. It hurts me just as deeply, for different reasons, to think that my father will never look at my son--perhaps more accurately, that I will never experience my father seeing my son for the first time. I can see the quiet look of delight spreading across my father's face. Of course my mother would be in tears with happiness. I can see that so vividly right now. But in keeping with the philosophy of living for now, I won't dwell on those thoughts.
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