By the sixth month, nothing feels all that new about being a mother. The initial awe has not worn off, and moments of surprise are no less frequent. What has dissipated, however, is the surprise I used to feel that I was, actually, now playing the role of "Mom" to someone. The shock of it would ripple through me almost every day, the first few months. I still feel it, but it's much less acute.
What seems important now, at least as important as thinking carefully about how I would like to raise my son, is to think about how to build a life apart from him. Because I have precious little time--in terms of the rest of my life, and in terms of my current daily existence.
Yes, just because I've had a child late in life, it doesn't mean that I am ready to sacrifice any and all non-child-related activities. But so far--during the past six months--only a couple days, or half-days, really, have been spent away from my son. We only know one couple, in our circle of family, friends, and acquaintances, who is available for very occasional babysitting; and they've come up to stay with the child only two times. The second visit occurred earlier today.
Also--during the time they babysat today, I was at the local spa jumping in and out of the steam room, bath and sauna. This, not so much as a way to forget about the baby, but as a way to rejuvenate myself just enough to be useful to him again.
How to achieve a balance, then?
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