Time and the Six-year-old

I am the stay-at-home mother of one six-year-old son.  It might seem like I ought to have a lot of free time.  After all, he's in first grade now...and doesn't he spend a lot of after-school time playing on his own or with neighborhood friends?

Well, the after-school play is mostly by himself, with me in close proximity, and involves a lot of Mommy participation even now.  And yes, he's in school about twenty-eight hours a week; but during a good part of that "free time," I volunteer at school, run errands, clean, organize, send emails and exercise. That leaves--about sixteen hours...which is much more time than I had last year.

When my son was born, I told myself that by the time he had reached the age of two and a half, he would be in preschool five days a week...and so at least I'd have every weekday morning to write or do whatever I wanted.  This did not occur--at least not most weeks.  I will not use this post to tell the entire story of his preschool experience; let's just say, it did not go smoothly until he reached the age of four and a half.  I had maybe ten hours a week to myself, on average.

I've come to realize:  the amount of free time almost any dedicated mother has, if their child is in preschool or kindergarten, is almost always very limited; at best, fifteen hours a week..a bit more only if the child is extraordinarily independent at a young age or if nannies or grandparents are involved, or the child is in an all-day daycare.

We are not wealthy enough to hire nannies, nor was it what I wanted for him; also, we have no grandparents available (his mother and stepfather live far away; my parents are dead).  I have one relative living close by who watches my son about five times a year.

Even now, when he's in first grade, I do not have more than sixteen hours a week that I can spend doing anything that does not involve cooking, cleaning and running errands, or helping my child with homework, helping him get some exercise, or taking him to school or to an after-school activity.

I belabor the point because I was completely stupid about the amount of time and energy it would take to raise a kid from age two and a half to my son's current age of six and a half.

I should perhaps explain:  I am married.  My husband is a good father.  But he also works intensively, five days a week; is physically and mentally drained many evenings and just needs to escape in a good book; and he has a stepdaughter who is in college now--meaning, he has slogged through the trenches of parenting for eighteen years already.  We had a discussion about this before our son was born.  My husband needed a break when it comes to the heavy lifting, where our child is concerned--the feeding, baths, dishwashing, lunch-making, rides to activities, etc. etc.  He spends quality time with our son on the weekends and is always there when we need him.

But the simple fact is--this mothering/housekeeping business has taken up twelve to fourteen hours of my time, day in, day out, for the last six and a half years.

I'm not complaining...but I wish someone had spelled it out for me when I was getting started with the whole thing--I wish they had really made me understand the degree to which, as a mom of a young child, my time would not be my own.

I'm happy though, for the sixteen hours a week that I do have to myself, finally, now.